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From one of my favorite (yes, teachers have favorites) students:

Student: "Sara, if you steal from the store, God will be mad at you."

Me: "Well, I'm not planning on stealing from the store."

Student: "Oh, OK. (*pause*) Good. Because then God would be mad at you if you stole from the store."

I got the distinct impression he thought I had some brewing plans to nick a pack of gum from Qanirtuuq, Inc.